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the loneliest valentine

If were alone on valentines day, don't worry so was I.

I'm not going to lie, it's disappointing and a little discouraging.

That's not entirely true...I wasn't not completely alone. I had the fish in the fish tank behind me at work. They kept me company. hahahaha jeez i'm a loser.

What is love?... Baby don't hurt, don't hurt me, no more. Banger.

The first boy I fell in love with was a boy called Noah. We were in preschool and we were around 3 or 4. It was the time I found out what "We found love in a hopeless place" means. Every relationship is doomed in the preschool playground.

I remember distinctly waking up from nap time and him and I staring into each others eyes and I had the feeling of excitement. Nothing that romantic has happened to me since. I don't know where Noah is today, but I hope he's doing well.

I like to talk to boys when I go out dancing, but just remember "The club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where I go"

I don't find myself at many bars.

I don't think guys are attracted to me. Which makes me a bit sad. I know I am not an overly attractive girl and i'm short but I might have some qualities they could be interested in. I made an entire blog post about 'not caring' but i'm not going to be a hypocrite, I do care sometimes (To be fair I did write about caring to an extent).

We are taught at a young age not to change ourselves for a boy/girl (or whoever you're into. I'm not going to name gender specifics because i'll be here for three hours) but its hard when nobody likes you.

I know perfectly well that I could get out there more and maybe try a little harder but it's so much easier said than done. The classic line I hear from guys is "Wow you're short!" I cannot tell you how many guys comment on my height the first time they meet me. I understand there are worse things they could comment on but it's still frustrating. I'll roll my eyes or say something sassy back and then they go"Oh no no no no its a good thing, don't worry" What does that even mean? I'll tell you one thing, it's not a good conversation starter.

To sum up: I didn't get a single rose, a gesture, a kiss, any expression of affection whatsoever, but i'll tell you what I did get, absolutely drenched when I went on my lunch break. It was the universe slapping me in the face. Thank you, universe. It was kindly appreciated.

Also a big congratulations to my sister who got engaged! With a baby on the way and a wedding to plan, it's going to be an eventful year for sure.



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