Updated: Feb 10
I don't care that I am 5 feet tall with a flat chest and a loud voice to match. It is who I am. If you don't like me, that's okay. I genuinely don't care anymore.
I don't care that I have my head in the clouds.
I don't care that I am not athletic in any shape or form.
and trust me, I do not care that people find my bubbly nature, to be annoying. That's a you problem.
It took me so long to accept these things about myself and yes, I guess you could consider these traits to be flaws and I might grow out of them. I have to let that happen only because I decided to, not because anyone else told me to.
It's not like I am a serial killer with a fetish for pulling hearts out, draining the blood, then chopping up the aorta to eat with my dinner. That is a trait I should definitely want to change.
Don't get me wrong, I am more than any of these attributes previously mentioned. I know for a fact that I am well-mannered, empathetic, kind, and honest. (I am sure people will roll their eyes at this and disagree or think 'she's delusional' but I think its about time I showed some self respect).
I know my strength is my people skills.
I know I am way more organised in the workplace than I am at home.
and I know I have gained self awareness in the last few years and I know it has helped me grow.
Of course I care what people think to a certain extent. Everyone should care what your boss thinks of you, and what teachers think of you, and you know what? even what the drivers on the road think of you. If you get into an accident, do you think they will be more understanding if they find you're a nice person? I reckon.
I am unsure what triggered these thoughts but I think its therapeutic to write about and it can put my emotions into perspective. I think there has been several interactions lately that have unlocked memories, both old memories and more recent ones.
I know that feeling when you are surrounded by people who don't really enjoy my personality which (I am not going to lie) can be hurtful. Ugh that awful feeling of judgement, especially from people who you really like. And it's as if no matter what you say, do, or even what questions you ask them, they are still difficult to interact with. It's even worse when you hear them make judgements about someone/or something they know nothing about.
I did Drama for my HSC and it was probably one of my hardest subjects. There was a major workload and the essays were so different from your classic PEEL structure. Yet somebody who knew nothing about the subject, starts talking about how one of the people in my class was complaining about it (and trust me, everyone in my class had a few complaints, including myself). She went on to say "Oh my god how hard is it? its just acting". Seriously? who are you to ask that question and act judgemental. You have no clue what you are talking about and in my eyes, you look ridiculous. I had enough and said "Are you kidding me? Drama is my hardest subject" and at the time, it really was. It was a seriously stressful subject. By that point I didn't care if they thought I was being difficult or being dramatic.
I like to think we've all grown up from these times and understand you cannot make judgements on topics you know nothing about. It can honestly be quite destructive. You never know how somebody else will respond or what trouble you'll get yourself into.
One last thing, I don't care if you think my blog is ridiculous, what are you doing with your life?