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The (not so) great outdoors

Updated: Jan 24, 2023

We all wish we were something we're simply not.

Some wish to be more confident.

Some wish to be smarter.

Some wish to have a symmetrical face.

While I wish I was all of the above, the latest one is that I wish I was more if an 'outdoors' kind of girl. I truly am not. I swear I try to give these outdoor activities a go but between the bugs and the sweat, it's a struggle.

Don't get me wrong I love to go (but technically speaking it's usually at a mall which is indoors) and I like the beach and amusement parks and eating and anything fun. It's just walking and being amongst nature that destroys me.

On our long journey to Port Macquarie we made some interesting stops. After browsing on google maps trying to find towns with the funny names, we settled on Throg. Well wouldn't you know it, Emma (Without warning) drove past the exit because it would've added like 40 more minutes into our drive and she had no intention on looking back. Now I'll never get to see the beautiful Throg. Still intent on finding a small town we took a turn into Cundletown. It was dead boring. There were actual signs saying "Caution: Elderly people". It's a town for old people if you didn't get the memo. As we left, Stephen expressed that he would live there. I'd give him a week before he walks back to Sydney.

We did a simple little nature boardwalk which felt like it took forever and not to mention it was really hot, but what am I complaining for? Somebody was pushing a person in a wheelchair for the entirety of the walk. That would kill me. We also met a Canadian which was nice.

We went mini golfing. I scored a hole in one but still lost and I was even worse at the driving range. I whacked my golf ball straight into those metal fences/gates (I don't know what to call them) and it was so loud everyone looked straight at me. I simply replied with "Sorry, it's my technique."

Our golfing was followed by strawberry picking and surprise, surprise I picked the worst strawberries known to man. Stevie Wonder would've picked better strawberries than I did. And of course this activity was outdoors so there were plenty of bugs to bite me and bees to run away from. I woke up the next morning with these little bumps all over my fingers and after some research, I concluded this was a reaction from those strawberry plants. I don't like the outdoors, and it doesn't like me.

And oh my god the wine tasting. I understand all wines are different and just because you don't like one sort of red wine, doesn't mean you'll hate them all.

Out of the 8 wines we tasted, I can only remember liking the first two (which were white wines) and it just went downhill after that. We had a rose (pronounced Rosay but I don't have the fancy e letter on the keyboard I am currently typing on) and one of them was made entirely out of blueberries, no grape. It was dreadful. I was not impressed. And the red wines we tried were so next level I could barely swallow them, I gagged and it was not classy in the slightest. And worst of all, the fortified wine. I don't know how the other fortified wine tastes but the two we had were not up my alley. There was a weird sweet wine that tasted like honey and I couldn't tell what the other one tasted like because the honey was still lingering in my mouth.

You know what's underrated? Red rooster. Boy those cheesy chicken nuggets really hit the spot. Sydney is lacking in the red rooster department and I do not care for the red rooster slander. If you didn't guess, we stopped by Red Rooster.

My two companions had never heard of Heatherbrae pies. That's a crime that is! We love a good Jillaroo pie. While we passed it on the way there, we were sure to stop by on our way home. Honestly if you're going on a road trip up the coast, you stop at Heatherbrae pies, it's not rocket science. And if you're anything like us, be sure to wind down your windows and blast some German rap music for the whole carpark to hear. Seriously though German music goes off.

Okay lesson learned: If you don't understand the name of the dish, either don't order it or ask the waiter/waitress for help.

Long story short, we went to a Thai restaurant, I ordered Pad Numun Hoi (with oyster sauce and chicken). Now silly me thought "Oh it has the word pad in it therefore it must come with those pad noodles you get in pad thai!" But apparently not. After spending money on my meal and then receiving a plate covered in vegetables mixed with chicken and some watery oyster sauce, I had to order rice! and I know I am not stupid for not ordering rice originally, because Emma did the same thing! and she is one of the smartest girls I know. Goodness me.

My buddy's snoring almost drove me to sleep on the street but it was so intense I would probably still be able to hear it from there! I recommended he get his tonsils and adenoids removed but he didn't seem keen. It baffles me why he wouldn't be.

It was a "goodbye trip" for Emma who be leaving us for a year and living it up Europe. In a word it was "Wholesome". We brought board games and our own drinks, and it was just chill. Stephen even cooked breakfast for him and I. He did a great job.

If you have zero dollars but still want a holiday, head to Port Macquarie. It's cheap and it has a cafe dedicated to pancakes: Pancake place. Sometimes you don't need to have a fancy schamncy holiday and stay in an expensive air bnb, you just need to be surrounded by people you love. Thank you to Emma and Stephen for this lovely little holiday.



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